Jesus has always been the man I call when I’m sad.
When He answers I pour my heart out, tell him I’ll call him tomorrow and never do. For as long as I can remember we’ve had a weekly Sunday date and I constantly would flake. He’s never gotten mad at my excuses, He would just ask me to come next week.
He wrote me letters and stories put it in the book, I never read them. For so long Jesus has been that guy for me. He’s the one who is always there, I use him for what I need and when I’m done don’t call him back.
I looked around and saw other people treat him the same. They weren’t consistent, they didn’t seem to care. It made it easier to for me to just brush him off. Those that were intimate with him didn’t seem to be getting any benefit. They would tell me stories about how they were left in the dark and wilderness by him. Something about that love never sounded appealing. Why would I devote myself to Jesus if he wasn’t fixing breakfast in bed with fresh cut roses every morning? To me it seemed I could be on my own and be just as good.
When I was younger, I had a plan. I would go to college meet the love of my life and get married at 23. We would have amazing jobs doing exactly what we loved and buy a house. At 25, 27 and 29 we would have kids and live happily ever after. The 12 year old me did not account for, real life. I am about to be 27, just finishing my Bachelor’s degree at Sac State, divorced with no kids, preparing to move back in with my parents.
I say all this not for pity or sympathy. I am very happy with my path and have been blessed along the way but something is still missing!
I have learned that all the accomplishments, all the highs and lows of life, are not fulfilling because I don’t have anyone to share it with. More specifically because I don’t have Jesus to share it with.
I have been a Christian all my life, but I want an intimate, fulfilling, intentional relationship with Jesus.
I want to give him my heart, learn his character and he like him. When I’m walking down the street I want people to look at me and say, “That must be Jesus girl, I can tell by the way she talking.” They say good men finish last, well Jesus is a good man and deserves to be first in my life.
This next year, my 27th year of life, I dedicate to me getting intimate with God. He has consistently been asking for my heart and I’m ready to give it to him.
This blog is about our (Jesus and my) journey to intimacy! Please join as I get my man!!